05 July 2008 @ 08:37 pm
macht nicht  
someone who i consider a mentor once said to me: "you know what you want to say, now you just have to learn how to scream it".

she was right, too. i know what's in my head, i'm just worried it will be wrong, incorrect, unrecht. i'm just always whispering and mumbling inaudibly. i've got things to say, i just can't bring myself to say them hard, to say them right, to say them loud. i lack a firmness and aggression which is essential to being taken seriously...to progressing.

i often have unreasonable demands of people and i am secretly let down by the tiniest of minute details. i want someone who is new, untouched, unchanged. i cringe at the thought of lovers repeating the same words to different people. which time was it more true? no. tell me though. i need to know these little things. i need to know all the little things. those little details both satisfy me and break my tiny bird heart at the same time.

sigh. ich bin nie erfüllt. ich bin eine leere tasse. fur immer.
 
 
05 July 2008 @ 03:35 pm
new word.  
NO.

He's been saying it alllllllll day. . .probably because he hears it 1000X per day because of the trying to grab electronics/cords/cat food/cat tail and get into all other sorts of mischief.

Moms: are there any toys your 10-month-old-ish kids really like?
 
 
05 July 2008 @ 01:24 pm
attention:  
all shit heads who order from wok inn,

1. you should probably figure out if you have enough cash to pay me for your food BEFORE you order it, or at least before i'm standing at your door with a fucking pupu platter burning through my hand.

2. 5 cents is not an adequate tip, in fact, it's more offensive than giving me nothing. tipping me with a drawing of a bald eagle you made, while hilarious, is also not adequate compensation for the trouble i went through to carry your huge buddah box up 4 flights of stairs only for you to take 10 minutes to come to your door.

2a. Using the excuse of "i don't have much money, so i can't tip you" is not applicable to your situation when you just ordered $90 worth of grease slathered meat on sticks.

3. no, i don't get holidays off... because i work for chinese people... but if you're so concerned about the fact that i don't get to see fireworks, perhaps you should have just gotten pick up.

4. i will not: smoke a joint with you, show you all my tattoos, grab your mail for you, give you food that you didn't order, give you any of the cash i carry around

5. i will: shake up your soda so it explodes all over you if you are a repeat offender. i also might step on any flowers you have growing in front of your house and walk very slowly from my car to your door in a downpour...caring more that your food gets wet than the fact that my hair gets matted and frizzy. i don't give a fuuuuck.
 
 
05 July 2008 @ 11:51 am
 
photo adventures in austin, tx. )
 
 
05 July 2008 @ 07:47 am
meticulous: Dictionary.com Word of the Day  
meticulous: extremely careful about details.
 
 
04 July 2008 @ 07:30 pm
 

Happy 4th of July!



america rules.
 
 
04 July 2008 @ 04:41 pm
Like my new userpic?  
I am insanely tired, though slept for many many hours at my hostel, staring at about 5pm yesterday and with general success until 8:30 am this morning.

Yes, I am finally here.

It was a somewhat hellish trip. I checked in for my flight at 8:30pm on Tuesday night, as the plane was leaving at 10:30. My one brand new backpacker´s backpack was checked in as well. I was flying standby, on a buddy pass, a favor from a friend, who works for Delta. Though she did tell me there was no guarantee of getting on the plane that I wanted to get onto, I figured I had a high chance. Nope. Two planes later I was crashing on a bench for the night in the San Francisco airport. Here I am wearing the nicest light slacks I have from the Gap, a button down short sleeved shirt from Levi´s, a sportcoat, and a striped white hat to cover my mohawk. (I had to look nice in case they stuck me in business class.) In the morning, another plane left without me, and finally I got on the 11:30. Which landed in Atlanta at the same time as another plane was taking NOT ME to Mexico. We landed at 7:40pm, and the next plane to Mexico City was not until 9:45 the next morning. Miserably I wandered through the large Atlanta international airport, leafing through magazines, slurping on an unneccessarily expensive smoothie and munching trailmix. I busied myself with Sudoku until the wee hours of the morning, slept again on a bench, curled up with my hard and square backpack full of guides and a bottle of water. This time it was miserably cold, difficult to fall asleep and stay so. Beyond, there was not a single soul besides me in the large hall, as far as I could see. Creepy. Around 3am I wandered to another hall, where another unfortunate traveler was spending the night. I situated myself not far from him, and slept until 7am. I thawed myself out with a cup of hot green tea, washed my face in the bathroom, then waited another two hours for my plane, which was in fact mine, after all the suffering. This time I flew in businessclass. DAMN! Comfortable large chairs, all the free wine I ordered, good food served in real dishes and with real silverware. Courteous service. Wow. The person sitting next to me turned out to be an aging Atlanta fag on his way to Puerto Vallarta to "relax". We had a nice time chatting.

Upon arriving in Mexico City, my next worry was my backpack, which was supposed to have arrived on a plane 24 hours before me. My anxiety was quickly relieved when I saw it merrily descending down the conveyor belt towards me as one of the first.

I walked to the Metro, figured out how to get to where I was going, got to the hostel of my choice (http://www.casadelosamigos.org/indexenglish.htm). They thankfully had room, and I got a domitory style bed for ten bucks a day. You can read more about them, but basically they are run by quakers and a lot of volunteer activity happens out of there. Peace and love and activism. The folks who stay there are youngsters like me, but also people in their 30s and 40s, who are professors, philosophers, and generally folk taking a stand for the betterment of the world.

Forgive me, if my English is sounding a bit confused, I am surrounded with Spanish and happily remembering all the words and phrases I learned in High School. Which isn't bad, actually. I have been able to do everything I have needed -- order and pay for food, ask for and understand directions, buy tickets, read signs... excellent. Sunday, though I think I will be setting out on a 14 hour bus trip to a Southern city, where I will take a week long Spanish course, complete with a homestay in a Mexican family.

Today I visited Museo Nacional de Antropologia. It was okay. Honestly, I was bored, though I spent two hours there. I was thinking, I am in the country where all this can be seen and touched. Why am I looking at reinditions through glass? So I left. Walked through town to Palenco -- a rich neighborhood, took the metro to Zona Rosa -- a sleazy and gay neighborhood which I am into. Sat in a youngsters' gay cafe watching teenage same-sex couples furiously making-out without coming up for air. Ate some delicious soup and now am heading back towards my hostel. There is some sort of political conversation at 6:30 in the meditation hall. There is also a library. And I am hella tired.

Anyone and everyone is welcome to reply to my entries here. I will be happy to hear from any and all of you.
 
 
04 July 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Home sweet home  
We're home, reluctantly. Our trip was beautiful. Train rides over the border, baby beluga whales, fresh french pastries, cherry stained fingers, and sunburnt noses.
 
 
Current Location: Santa Ana, CA
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Starkillers [Discoteka]
 
 
04 July 2008 @ 07:25 am
dapple: Dictionary.com Word of the Day  
dapple: a small contrasting blotch; also, to mark with spots.
 
 
04 July 2008 @ 01:54 am
Well, it's summer!  

it's summer

The frog legs are out in full effect! Kyla, Jimmy and I hope you have an awesome 4th of July weekend! Stay cool!

 
 
03 July 2008 @ 01:21 pm
since lame is the new cool, i'm bringing it back  
and apparently boring is the new interesting, sowwy guys. just fill it out so i know you care about me. i need this to be reaffirmed more than you know. honestly, do you have anything better to do with 5 minutes of your internet time? the answer is no. searching for "huge fart" or "fat man on fire" will still produce just as many videos on youtube after you fill this shit out. i promise.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
 
 
03 July 2008 @ 07:23 am
tutelage: Dictionary.com Word of the Day  
tutelage: guardianship; protection; also, instruction.
 
 
02 July 2008 @ 11:06 pm
 
I'm going home tomorrow until Sunday. I'm mostly excited and a little apprehensive.
I got my oil changed yesterday. I went to wal-mart because it was cheaper there. And I bought these amazing little sugar free hard candy things. Which were a pointless purchase, but it's like sweetness without the terrifying aspect of sugar. But I guess my car is safe now. I hate my car. I wish I knew how to ride a bike. I mean, for going home, a bike would not be useful, but if I had a bike, I'd ride it to church and Starbucks because those are the only places I go.
Today was a good day. I'm making friends actually. All by myself. And I am shocked to find that people actually like me. And are really nice to me. It's nice. We all went to the gym today and played volleyball which I suck at. And I reallly didn't want to go, but I find that the things I most don't want to do are the things I need to do the most. Anyway, it just finally feels like how I imagine college is supposed to feel. I mean, before I only hung out with my roommates so we were always in our suite, but now I actually go out and do stuff and go to other people's rooms and hang out. And, I don't know. I really love it here, how it's so small and everyone knows eachother. Basically everyone I've met this summer is awesome. There is this one girl in my bio class though who is really nice, but she reminds me of Jackie so much. Actually, she reminds me of her twin sister Emily. Which is weird considering they were identical...but it just makes me cry a little inside everytime I say hi to her because I miss Jackie. I wonder how people ever really deal with death. I don't feel like I ever really let myself feel sad about Jackie. I feel like I watched her funeral, like I watched someone from a TV show die because that was easier. Like, if I just pick up the phone, she would be there. I don't know. I still can't feel anything. I just know there is a numbness there. I wish I could have said goodbye. I wish, I don't know. But this girl looks just like her and her sister. And everytime I see her I want to just burst out and say, hey you look just like my friend who passed away. And it makes me sad, but a little comforted But that would be awkward. Basically everything in my head is awkward so keeping my mouth shut is best. So, that was a long tangent.
I applied for unemployment today because I am soo incredibly poor. And jobs are just not available out here. I suspect I'll be denied, but it's worth a shot. Everyone here thinks I am so independant like it's cool. It's not cool, my parents are just incompetant so I have had to raise myself. Oh boy. Unemployment. Disability. Yeah, awesome guys! I halfway wish I could just be a doctor tomorrow.
So...this weekend. I'm excited!!
 
 
Current Location: ucm
Current Mood: working
Current Music: mayday parade // the last something that meant anything
 
 
03 July 2008 @ 12:54 am
new favorite activity  
I like to try to watch at least one youtube video concerning people's reactions to smoking salvia.

Also, I try to watch one reaction video to people watching 2girls1cup.

both make me laugh so fucking hard.
 
 
02 July 2008 @ 09:57 pm
stuff.  
new shoes:



new conditioner:



i've been watching this non-stop:

 
 
02 July 2008 @ 11:56 am
New Haircut  
I used to hate having a big nose. Now I'm kinda into it.
haircut

I need to leave the coffee shop and call a Potential Employer. I don't want to talk about it or I might *jinx* it.
 
 
02 July 2008 @ 07:31 am
laconic: Dictionary.com Word of the Day  
laconic: using or marked by the use of a minimum of words.
 
 
02 July 2008 @ 07:24 am
 
I found a house I'm in love with. It's in Chapel Allerton, I'm going for a viewing on Saturday afternoon:

 
 
Current Location: Mouse's House
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Cartel
 
 
01 July 2008 @ 11:29 pm
 
this describes my day.
Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

and j looked as hot as ryan gosling. sigh..
 
 
01 July 2008 @ 08:49 pm
skin care  
what brand of skincare/moisturizers do you use on a regular basis?
 
 
Current Mood: curious